Roommates Pt. 1

One of the first issues you’ll face when going away to college is where you’re going to live. You typically have two choices: The dorms or in a cheap house or apartment. If you’re lucky, you’ll be able to get a single dorm room, or if you’re financially well-off enough, your own house/apartment (although the cost of the two are almost equivalent to each other). However, in most cases you’ll be living with someone else. With that in mind, let me say:

AVOID RANDOM ROOMMATES AT ALL COSTS!!!

If you take no other information from this entire blog, take this. As my third year of college is coming to an end, I’ve lived with three people I didn’t know in advance and it’s been anywhere from bad to absolutely fucking terrible each time. I had a single dorm room (the size of a closet) in my first year and was forced to share washrooms with my entire floor. At first, this may seem terrible; Sharing three washrooms with about 70 people and living in a pantry, but I ended up having the most fun of my entire life. Everyone’s doors were always open and the majority of people on the floor were friends with one another, but when second year came it was time to upgrade to the “suites” (at a cost of over $1000 more). The benefit of the suites is that the size of your bedroom is increased by about 30%, you get a double bed instead of a single, there’s a kitchenette (with full size fridge, sink, and microwave), and there is a washroom with a shower. All of this is shared between two people. This probably doesn’t seem too bad; Until you learn about the roommates I’ve had…

Second Year – First Semester: The Swine.

I moved in and immediately noticed that the room was in shambles. The kitchen was a mess, there was garbage all over the table, and the washroom looked like it had been the battleground of an epic toothpaste war. My dad was with me at the time helping bring stuff in and all we could do was look around in disgust. The roommate was nowhere to be found.

It took a couple days, but my roommate eventually showed up (crushing all hopes I had of having the entire place to myself for the year). We introduced ourselves and he immediately began describing a fetish of his to me: All things Asian. He loved the food, the cartoons, the comic books, and most importantly, the girls (I was later advised to sleep with one if I ever had the chance because they’re “freaks”).

I suppose everyone has their own thing, and his was Asians. Fair enough, I could deal with that. Sadly though, it didn’t end there. Apparently he had other fetishes, the main one being seeing how much dirty laundry he could throw on his floor and the amount of garbage he could pile on top of it (it once reached my knees). His room looked like a landfill.

I realize that it was his room and that he had to live in it, not me, but his door was always open and both of our bedrooms are connected to the kitchen area, so the view of his room was unavoidable for myself or any friends I had over (who hadn’t been thoroughly creeped out by him yet). I’ve never felt more sorry for anyone in my entire life than the girl who had to clean his room after he moved out. Not only did she have to scrub all his walls and closet, she found empty ketchup packets under his mattress and a pile of pubes in a drawer.

He wasn’t all bad though. Despite going through a month-long Indian food phase (I experienced some of the most disgusting scents ever that month) before moving out, he ended up leaving behind a pool cue, a Japanese comic novel, and a computer! I guess he had no room for these things when he left for his new job in Seattle and figured that they might be some consolation for me after having to put up with him for four months. I ended up giving the pool cue away, throwing out the book, and selling the computer.

Stay tuned for the second part of this trilogy which will cover my second roommate!

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