Drinking.

Ah yes, alcohol. The cornerstone of college. The pinnacle of parties. The world’s social lubricant. The…

Well, you get the point. Never has a college-related movie been made without booze playing a leading role alongside whatever forgettable young actors are popular at the time. And when was the last time you heard a good story that didn’t involve it? Sure, it’s possible to make it through school without a drop of alcohol, but why would you want that?

Before I go any further, I should probably say something about consuming responsibly and what-not, but as long as you aren’t drinking to the point of blacking out on a regular basis, you should be fine. Oh, and don’t drink and drive. With that out of the way, I’ll get into some of the intricacies of college drinking.

While there aren’t as many wild and crazy parties as the movies would have you believe, it’s very close. It isn’t unusual to go out drinking on a weeknight or to party straight through from Thursday to Sunday. These are simply things you, your liver, and your wallet are going to have to get used to.

By now you might be thinking: What if I don’t want to drink? What if I’m under the legal drinking age? What if I’m straight edge? Will I still have fun in college? The answer is no, you won’t. You may as well just live at home and do jigsaw puzzles with your parents on Friday nights.

Not drinking is going to make being at parties where everyone else is drunk very awkward. Besides, parties are one of the places you’re most likely to make new friends, and alcohol usually helps people who are normally shy more personable and outgoing (as long as you don’t drink to the point where you’re making an ass of yourself). And let’s not forget the plethora of other bonding and team-building activities like Beer Pong, Flip Cup, Kings, Horse Races, and all the other classic drinking games/networking opportunities.

If you’re underage, make friends with people who aren’t (especially if they have a car). Or you could do what I did and wait until you’re old enough to go away to school (the alcohol wasn’t the motivation behind this, it was just a coincidence). And if you’re straight edge, you’re most like also an anorexic vegan who has better things to do (like finding new obscure bands no one’s ever heard of) than enjoying the best years of your life.

There is only one real rule when it comes to drinking and it only applies to males: Guys may not drink anything that resembles one of the colors of the rainbow (the exception to this is shots if they’re being done with girls). That means no vodka-cranberries, screwdrivers, or anything else that’s red, orange, blue, yellow, or green (with the exception of green beer on St. Patrick’s Day). Girls can get away with just about anything. So guys, if you haven’t developed a taste for beer yet, start working on it.

If you can remember these simple pointers, there’s no reason why you won’t be able to be the author of hundreds of stories that you’ll never remember.

:: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: :: ::