The cost of a attending kegger is generally $10 for guys and $5 for girls and people who are bringing their own booze. While the value may seem extremely good for all you can drink beer, there are a few things you’re going to need to keep in mind.

1. The only way you’re going to get your money’s worth is to arrive early (and by early I don’t mean 10:30pm). If the kegger starts at 9:00pm, you better be there with cup in hand at 9:00pm. Will it most likely be dead at this time? Yes, of course, but you’ll be able to drink so much, so quickly that you won’t notice it and before long everyone else will start arriving.

2. If there’s fewer than 5 kegs and the whole neighborhood’s invited, plan on having somewhere else to go after 11:00pm. There’s only about 165 beers in a keg and it doesn’t take a few hundred people very long to empty one.

3. Try to make sure you know the person/people having the kegger. This will ensure prompt beer-pouring service later in the night when there are bigger crowds gathered around the kegs.

4. Try to bring your own drinking container; Be it a bigger cup, jug, pitcher, glass shoe, whatever. This will assure fewer trips back to the keg but you may only be able to get away with it if you’ve followed #3.

Happy Keg-Drinking!

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Make no mistake, by the end of your first year you will no longer cringe at the site of urine sprayed all over a bathroom stall, shrug to the idea of eating from dirty dishes, and simply rolls your eyes and laugh at puke in stairwells, on carpet, and well, just about everywhere else. Hell, you may even partake in some of these offending activities before your time in school is up! Allow me to elaborate…

It’s amazing what alcohol can do (see my post on this); It can make you come out of your shell if you’re shy, encourage you to sing when you have a terrible voice, and make you think that your kitchen is your washroom and that the floor is the toilet (as was experienced by a friend of mine). In most cases it can be held personally accountable for all misplaced bodily fluids/matter you’ll encounter in school and be the driving force behind late night hunger that knows not the boundaries of clean plates.

The odds of finding yourself in any of these situations is increased exponentially if you happen to live on campus. These cesspools of filth usually get to be that way for one main reason: The students don’t need to clean up after themselves. There is a janitorial staff (who must curse their jobs every morning immediately upon waking up) who clean up after the students day in and day out. Their stomachs are either made of cast-iron or they’ve become so desensitized to the filth from repeated exposure that nothing disgusts them anymore.

Don’t worry, the exact same thing will happen to you. After the first month of school you’ll have walked into a stall covered in urine an estimated 15.3 times. You’ll be repulsed each of these times, but will be completely over it by the next month, and almost expecting to see it in the following months. You’ll also expect rotting puke to be hiding behind every door and in every hall and stairwell (for the rest of your life).

The biggest obstacle you’ll have to overcome in order to accept and ignore these inconveniences is your gender; Well, if you’re a girl, that is. Co-ed washrooms are seldom an option for those with vagina’s as they weren’t designed to shoot urine from a distance like the genitalia of us males, thus ensuring girls a seat on (or hovering slightly above) a golden throne. However, in most cases you’ll have a female-only washroom on your floor that should be somewhat cleaner (although I’ve heard contradicting stories).

Two other things that will help are patience and the absence of a gag reflex. Patience because it’s only a matter of time before you’re immune to the effect of these occurrences and no gag reflex to ensure that you don’t add to the problem.

Good luck!

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Well, except if you have to do it in the midst a pile of assignments, exams, and essays while trying to maintain a social life.

It’s true that your elementary and high school days of relatively-free summers are over. It’s sad to think about, but do you really believe you’d still get the same amount of joy out of riding your bike and going to the park every day as you used to? Actually, I really just started missing my childhood for a moment… Sigh…

Anyway, in those days you probably thought a few hundred (or *gasp* a few thousand dollars) was a lot of money. Now that you’re older, you not only know that that isn’t much money, but you also know you can easily make anywhere between $200 and $500 per week with typical summer jobs. But there’s a catch – You’ll most likely need to work close to full time hours since you’ll be lucky to be making much more than $12/hour (and will most likely be stuck in a factory to get paid that much).

This is all fine and dandy; You can easily make between $3000 and $8000 from May to September and in most cases you should be set for the school year. This amount will ideally ensure a tuition payment plus enough money to survive off of until your tax return comes in March.

However, this might not be enough for everyone. You may be forced to take on a menial part-time job in school that’ll only pay in the single digits for 10-15 hours per week. That’s 10-15 hours you may need for studying, partying, or just relaxing! It’s at this time you’ll realize another lesson: The summer isn’t as fun as it used to be, but those months spent at school are the best they’ve ever been. Get used to spending most of the summer waiting for school start and dreading the end of each school year.

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So you’ve left your high school of roughly 1500 people and are now at a college campus of over 15,000 people. One of the first thoughts going through your head is “There are girls everywhere!” Yes, it’s an exhilarating feeling full of wonder and promise (unless you go to a school full of uglies like I do). If you’re the type of person who is only interested in finding that one special someone, there’s a good chance your heart is dancing in your chest at the possibility of meeting your future spouse. Or perhaps you’re only interested in one night stands, in which case you’re looking forward to the parties starting. Or maybe you’re a really big nerd, in which case you’re probably scared out of your mind.

Out of those three types of people, you should do your absolute best to fall into the second category. Why? Because college isn’t for dating! You’ve got the rest of your post-college life to settle down with one person, but for these 2-4 years, you’re going to be surrounded by more members of the opposite sex than you can shake a di… err, stick at, and certainly more than at any other point in your life. You’d be a fool not to take full advantage of this.

Perhaps my bad college relationships are partially to blame for this article – maybe it was the one with the Italian girl who wanted nothing more than to sleep all day and night, or the one with the hick girl whose mom moved into her dorm room for a month – but I really believe being with the same person for more than three months is a bad idea. While you’re away at school you’re going to meet more different/interesting/eccentric/whatever people than any other time in your life. You’ll not only have the opportunity to learn from them, but to learn how to deal with them. The more you can do of either of these things the better; It will only prepare you for the future.

All of this is exactly why you should rotate mates on a regular basis; Be with as many different people as possible now so that when it comes time to settle down you’ll know exactly what you want. By doing so you’ll really know that you’ve found the right girl and are less likely to mistakenly marry the wrong one (which can still happen anyway, but is less likely to).

Just remember, any aspect of life without variety eventually becomes boring and stagnant. Keep things new and interesting and you’ll enjoy it all much more.

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Well, you get the point. Never has a college-related movie been made without booze playing a leading role alongside whatever forgettable young actors are popular at the time. And when was the last time you heard a good story that didn’t involve it? Sure, it’s possible to make it through school without a drop of alcohol, but why would you want that?

Before I go any further, I should probably say something about consuming responsibly and what-not, but as long as you aren’t drinking to the point of blacking out on a regular basis, you should be fine. Oh, and don’t drink and drive. With that out of the way, I’ll get into some of the intricacies of college drinking.

While there aren’t as many wild and crazy parties as the movies would have you believe, it’s very close. It isn’t unusual to go out drinking on a weeknight or to party straight through from Thursday to Sunday. These are simply things you, your liver, and your wallet are going to have to get used to.

By now you might be thinking: What if I don’t want to drink? What if I’m under the legal drinking age? What if I’m straight edge? Will I still have fun in college? The answer is no, you won’t. You may as well just live at home and do jigsaw puzzles with your parents on Friday nights.

Not drinking is going to make being at parties where everyone else is drunk very awkward. Besides, parties are one of the places you’re most likely to make new friends, and alcohol usually helps people who are normally shy more personable and outgoing (as long as you don’t drink to the point where you’re making an ass of yourself). And let’s not forget the plethora of other bonding and team-building activities like Beer Pong, Flip Cup, Kings, Horse Races, and all the other classic drinking games/networking opportunities.

If you’re underage, make friends with people who aren’t (especially if they have a car). Or you could do what I did and wait until you’re old enough to go away to school (the alcohol wasn’t the motivation behind this, it was just a coincidence). And if you’re straight edge, you’re most like also an anorexic vegan who has better things to do (like finding new obscure bands no one’s ever heard of) than enjoying the best years of your life.

There is only one real rule when it comes to drinking and it only applies to males: Guys may not drink anything that resembles one of the colors of the rainbow (the exception to this is shots if they’re being done with girls). That means no vodka-cranberries, screwdrivers, or anything else that’s red, orange, blue, yellow, or green (with the exception of green beer on St. Patrick’s Day). Girls can get away with just about anything. So guys, if you haven’t developed a taste for beer yet, start working on it.

If you can remember these simple pointers, there’s no reason why you won’t be able to be the author of hundreds of stories that you’ll never remember.

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Third Year – First and Second Semester: The Muscle

I had originally applied to live with one of my friends this year, but for whatever reason it didn’t pan out, and thus the basis for the third part of this series was born.

Move-in day this year was different from second year because, well, my roommate was actually here and there were no signs of a bomb going off in the room (again, see part one). My new roommate was sitting at his desk with his door open and promptly introduced himself. He was sporting a bright golf shirt with a popped collar and arms that could barely fit through the sleeves (I think he’s loosely based on the “My New Haircut” character). My first thought was “Why has the school given me a gay bodyguard? Am I in danger?” I put these thought out of my mind while I finished moving my stuff in and setting up my room, but when I went to the kitchen to put some food away that I had brought, I couldn’t help but notice the numerous tubs, bottles, and containers of all sorts of intense and powerful-looking supplements and protein.

Once I finished unpacking, he came into my room to chat. We discussed our programs, hometowns, interests, and what ever other introductory topics we could think of. He seemed like a cool guy and I had hope for a much better year than the previous one, and for the first little while, it really wasn’t that bad at all.

The majority of first semester was okay. Yes, there were times when his penchant for trance/dance/annoying thumping bass-driven music got annoying. And of course there were the times when his supplements combined with two hours per night at the gym made for countless comments about all the “broads” he wanted to “nail” (which was basically all of them). Oh yeah, and there’s also the things he does to assert his dominance over inanimate objects. He basically slams everything in sight (doors, the toilet seat, his protein tubs onto the table, etc.). I’ve often thought about what goes through his head afterward, and figure it’s something like “Yeah, fuck you door. I fuckin’ showed you!”

And he never washes his hands after going to the washroom (hence why I refuse to share any finger-foods with him).

All of that started first semester and has carried over to this semester. However, some new traits have also developed. The main one being his never-ending quest to ensure that I don’t get a full night’s sleep. I would estimate that I’ve woken up on my own as opposed to by him less than ten times this semester (since the beginning of January).

There are a few reasons for this. We come from two different schools of thought when it comes to personal appearance for class. He’ll spend close to an hour getting ready for class each day, whereas if I have a class that starts before 10:00am, there is no way I’m putting in any more effort than brushing my teeth. Unfortunately, his morning routine consists of two things I’ve grown to despise:

1. The Protein Shakes: Despite his large arms, he can’t just shake the protein powder and milk into a drinkable substance; He needs to use a blender that’s 20 feet from my bed at 8:00am each day.

2. The Axe Body Spray: He uses so much Axe spray each morning, that if the blender didn’t wake me up, the smell of the spray will. It goes from the washroom, through the kitchen, under my closed bedroom door, and right into my face. I can almost picture it creeping up to me like CO a carbon monoxide PSA.

Now perhaps I’m being unfair. Maybe waking up at 8:00am isn’t such a bad thing; The vast majority of people with full time jobs do it, but here’s the thing: This is college! When you’re blessed with a class schedule that requires you to wake up before noon only two days a week, you’ve gotta’ take advantage of it and appreciate it, because it’s probably not going to last forever (but that’s a topic for another post).

By now you should realize why random roommates are to be avoided at all costs. If you must share a room with someone, do your absolute best to share it with a friend.

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Second Year – Second Semester: The Stoner

Alright, this guy really wasn’t that bad. I only have a few stories about him, so here it goes.

As you’ve probably guessed, he was a huge pothead. I never had a problem with that as long as he kept his door closed when he smoked so the whole place wouldn’t stink. He was always cool with it and there weren’t any problems…

Until he smashed his bong in the washroom.

I assume he was trying to clean out the almost-black water when I heard a crash followed by “Aww fuck!” It didn’t take long for the smell of the week-old bong water to engulf the entire place and it remained long after he cleaned it up. The worst wasn’t over yet.
Due to the genius design of the washroom, its concrete floor absorbed a good amount of the water ensuring that the washroom would stink for two weeks! Turning on the fan did nothing and scrubbing the floor was ineffective. All we could do was wait for the stench to go away on its own.

The second issue I had involved a poster I had up in the kitchen area of David Hasselhoff. I had bought it at the beginning of first semester with my other roommate because it was deemed hilarious enough to go on the wall. Well, the new roommate didn’t like it so much. One day he came into my room and asked me about it.

Him: “So what’s the deal with the David Hasselhoff poster?”
Me: “Oh, I got it last semester. I thought it was funny.”
Him: “Well, I’ve had a few friends over and they all ask me about it. They ask if you’re gay.”
Me: “What?”
Him: “Yeah, they ask if you’re a fag.”
Me: “Because of a poster?”
Him: “Yeah.”
Me: “No, I’m not gay.”
Him: “Oh okay… Do you think you could take it out of the kitchen and put it in your room?”
Me: “Yeah I guess, if it’ll make your friends feel that much better.”

And so The Hoff was banished from the kitchen and into my room, where his dreamy eyes would be able to watch over me at all times.

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AVOID RANDOM ROOMMATES AT ALL COSTS!!!

If you take no other information from this entire blog, take this. As my third year of college is coming to an end, I’ve lived with three people I didn’t know in advance and it’s been anywhere from bad to absolutely fucking terrible each time. I had a single dorm room (the size of a closet) in my first year and was forced to share washrooms with my entire floor. At first, this may seem terrible; Sharing three washrooms with about 70 people and living in a pantry, but I ended up having the most fun of my entire life. Everyone’s doors were always open and the majority of people on the floor were friends with one another, but when second year came it was time to upgrade to the “suites” (at a cost of over $1000 more). The benefit of the suites is that the size of your bedroom is increased by about 30%, you get a double bed instead of a single, there’s a kitchenette (with full size fridge, sink, and microwave), and there is a washroom with a shower. All of this is shared between two people. This probably doesn’t seem too bad; Until you learn about the roommates I’ve had…

Second Year – First Semester: The Swine.

I moved in and immediately noticed that the room was in shambles. The kitchen was a mess, there was garbage all over the table, and the washroom looked like it had been the battleground of an epic toothpaste war. My dad was with me at the time helping bring stuff in and all we could do was look around in disgust. The roommate was nowhere to be found.

It took a couple days, but my roommate eventually showed up (crushing all hopes I had of having the entire place to myself for the year). We introduced ourselves and he immediately began describing a fetish of his to me: All things Asian. He loved the food, the cartoons, the comic books, and most importantly, the girls (I was later advised to sleep with one if I ever had the chance because they’re “freaks”).

I suppose everyone has their own thing, and his was Asians. Fair enough, I could deal with that. Sadly though, it didn’t end there. Apparently he had other fetishes, the main one being seeing how much dirty laundry he could throw on his floor and the amount of garbage he could pile on top of it (it once reached my knees). His room looked like a landfill.

I realize that it was his room and that he had to live in it, not me, but his door was always open and both of our bedrooms are connected to the kitchen area, so the view of his room was unavoidable for myself or any friends I had over (who hadn’t been thoroughly creeped out by him yet). I’ve never felt more sorry for anyone in my entire life than the girl who had to clean his room after he moved out. Not only did she have to scrub all his walls and closet, she found empty ketchup packets under his mattress and a pile of pubes in a drawer.

He wasn’t all bad though. Despite going through a month-long Indian food phase (I experienced some of the most disgusting scents ever that month) before moving out, he ended up leaving behind a pool cue, a Japanese comic novel, and a computer! I guess he had no room for these things when he left for his new job in Seattle and figured that they might be some consolation for me after having to put up with him for four months. I ended up giving the pool cue away, throwing out the book, and selling the computer.

Stay tuned for the second part of this trilogy which will cover my second roommate!

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Toronto broke its record for most gun-related homicides in a year in 2005… Before the end of the summer. Yes, it was indeed a dangerous time to live around the city, and guess who was starting his first year at the college located nearest to it all.

A good portion of my friends have been mugged since first year, there’s weekly street shootings, someone was pistol-whipped for their laptop inside the school, and I fell asleep each night to the sound of gunshots ringing throughout the neighborhood. Not to mention the bank robbery that I watched unfold not only on TV, but through my bedroom window. In fact, I’m fairly certain that at least 20% of the people in my school aren’t even supposed to be there! I think it’s just a central hub for gangs to get together, play dominoes, and compare how far down their pants can sag.

Luckily, my life has thus far been spared. My 5’10″/150lb frame is clearly too intimidating for anyone to mess with. Let’s hope it stays this way.

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You see, college is a business no different from any other one:

• It charges you money to access its services.
• It has multiple franchises (read: campuses).
• It has a CEO-type figure (read: dean).
• There are multiple managers (read: teachers).
• You are required to keep these people happy, or they’ll kick you out.
• They even manage to give value packages in the same way a fast food restaurant might!

Allow me to expand on that last point. In the summer between my second and third year, I enrolled in an online general education course (Geopolitics, specifically) to get it out of the way early so I wouldn’t need to worry about it come September (I’m required to take one each semester). This came with a price tag of about $250 plus a $60 text book. Basically all that was included in the course was me logging onto a site, finding what I was supposed to read from the text book, and reading it.

My teacher must’ve been laughing the whole time.

When September finally came along, I went to the registrar to drop the gen-ed that I was scheduled to be taking that semester (since I successfully completed the one from that summer). I was hoping that I could get the $250 refunded because I had taken the same course I would’ve in September, just four months earlier. However, this wasn’t possible. Apparently my tuition doesn’t cover courses taken outside the regular semester schedule (September – April) regardless of whether it’s a program requirement or not!

You see, the school was doing this to keep costs down. They bundle all of the eight courses that I’m required to take each semester into one package, because it’s cheaper than charging for each of them separately. Just like it’s cheaper to buy the burger, fries, and drink than it is to only buy the burger and fries!

How this actually makes sense, I’m not too sure. I was never given a course by course pricing breakdown with the savings I was receiving from them being packaged together, but I did know there was no way I was getting my money back.

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